Grumpy Cat Playlist

I felt bleh today, like I just wanted to crawl under the covers and stay there forever.  I went to physical therapy, first day of aquatic therapy, and phew I got tired out.  When you are far from 100% it's funny how much energy is exerted.  After I came home I literally did get under the covers and listened to my iPod.  My mom and dad thought I was sleeping but I couldn't fall asleep.  I just stared at the pattern on my comforter and tried to figure out why I felt even more depressed (never a PC term but still overused unfortunately) than usual.

How I felt- and probably looked- today (courtesy of Grumpy Cat)

When I was trying to sync new songs to my iPod yesterday blasted iTunes said that my iPod was full.  How does that even happen anymore with the amount of space on these contraptions?  It happened to me nonetheless and now I have to go through and delete songs save get a new iPod.

So back to when I was listening to my iPod under the covers.  It made me think that I never really had a playlist for when you're just plain feeling crappy and like "Curse the world!" but don't have enough energy or heart to shake your fist.  I do have a playlist for when you're feeling angry at someone-it's a really long playlist.

This is what I listened to today:

1. "Wonderwall" by Oasis- For when we actually believed that a significant someone could save us.

2.  "In the End" by Linkin Park- There is nothing better than Chester's voice.  Have you ever felt like that?  Like you put your all into something and then it just didn't even matter anyway?

3.  "What I've Done" by Linkin Park- When I got going with the whole Linkin Park thing I couldn't stop and entered into their seemingly more religious phase.  Don't get me wrong but I still like the original Linkin Park so much better.

4.  "Jumper" by Third Eye Blind- Hey, I was down in the dumps.  "Wish you would step back from that ledge my friend...I would understaaaayeeeaaaaaand..."

5.  "White Horse" by Taylor Swift- I don't care what anyone says T. Swift was at her best in the beginning and this song of lost innocence is replayable.

6.  "Marilyn Monroe" by Nicki Minaj- An actual thoughtful Nicki Minaj song.  I'm not sure why Marilyn Monroe felt the way she did when she was so beautiful and talented and beloved but I sure felt that way today and I am far from those three things.

7.  "Who Knew" by Pink- Can somebody please explain to me why Pink isn't bigger than she is already?  Man, she has a good voice.  A lesser known song maybe, but the lyrics are so nostalgic.

8.  "Fuck and Run" by Liz Phair- Please don't judge.  I discovered this song late and Liz Phair sounds so different on it.  There is a sadness to it and a desperate yearning.  Who doesn't want "all that stupid old shit?"

9.  "Just a Dream" by Nelly- I don't usually like Nelly songs but this one is just plain good, auto-tune and all.

10. "Superman" by Five for Fighting- It sounds a little arrogant to sing this song aloud but I still do when no one's listening.  "I'm not that naive, men weren't meant to ride with clouds between their knees.  I'm only a man..."

11. "Face Down" by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus- Could also be put in angry playlist.  I actually didn't know the lyrics told such a heart-wrenching story at first as I just liked the beat. 

12.  "Eyes on Fire" by Blue Foundation- An extremely emo song, although I have no idea what it is about.  I just remember hearing it in Twilight and liking it.

13.  "How to Save a Life" by The Fray- This has to be on any downer list.

14.  "Love the Way You Lie Part 2" by Rihanna (feat Eminem)- I like Part 2 slightly better, only slightly, than the original version because there are hauntingly, eerily good verses added and Rihanna sings them beautifully.  Powerful and the epitome of destruction.

15.  "Gecer" by Kutsi- This song sounds amazing even if you don't know what it means.  It is Turkish for, "This Will Pass," a break-up song lamenting the end of a relationship.

16.  "Benimle Oynama" by Burak Kut- Continuing on with the break-up theme, this is a Turkish song as well and means "Don't Play Games with Me."  It is an example of what I meant about Turkish songs that are like "I hate you" but you can fist-pump and dance to them.  Basically they sound upbeat but about love loss.

17.  "Breathe Me" by Sia- May not be eloquent but sad sad sad and lovely/heartbreaking/gorgeous.

18.  "Video" by India.Arie- Finally, I tried to end on somewhat of an upper.  This song has such poignant lyrics and makes me think for a second that I could raise my arms in the air and no one would care that I hadn't shaved. 

Waffles!

I love waffles (this from the girl who almost named her dog Waffles-it was either that or Lucky before we settled on Pilgrim).  I am so excited because I finally got my waffle necklace made by Tiny Hands Jewelry!  It is made out of clay and simply adorable.

The tiny package was put together so nicely in a box with the Tiny Hands logo.  There was also a hand-written message from Mei Pak (who makes the jewelry in Minnesota).  I had to make sure to keep it away from Pilgrim, who was extremely curious about the miniature waffle necklace.

You have to check out this website  http://tinyhandsonline.com/  where all the necklaces are handmade and shaped like tiny desserts.  I couldn't decide between the scented birthday cupcake necklace, the scented raspberry French macaron necklace, or the waffle (there is a stack o' pancakes necklace too!).  What sold the waffle was that Amy Poehler had worn it on Parks and Recreation (one of my fave shows). 

Amy Poehler wearing the waffle necklace on Parks and Rec!  Cute pairing with a fancy dress

Did I mention the best part?  The jewelry is scented!  My waffle smells like maple and butter, or butterscotch.  It makes me so happy.  Basically I'm obsessed and it's the cutest thing I've seen in a while.  Pics to come!

Me with my waffle necklace!  It smells so good

Look at the tiny squares of butter!  You can also get the waffle with fruit and whipped cream

A Pilgrim in a Cart!

I didn't know you could go into stores with your dog as long as you put them in a cart!  That is seriously so exciting.  I'm thinking of all the places we could go now (besides Fashion Island, Irvine Spectrum, and Palm Springs, places that notoriously love and allow for pups).  Come on Pilgrim, let's go!  Who's pushing who though I don't know.

Pilgrim is excited!

Ooooh, home goods

You Know You're in Turkey When...(An American of Turkish heritage in Turkey)

I wrote this piece after spending the summer in Turkey-

The beautiful waters of the Aegean Sea

*These observations are not generalizations but merely my own personal ones.

 1.  You take your life into your hands whenever you’re in a car as drivers think the middle of the
road is the way to go.  Also, it’s not a complete day until you’ve been honked at least forty times.

2.  You are greeted first by a hello, how are you, kiss on both cheeks, and a comment on how much
weight you’ve gained.

3.  You can fist-pump to the break-up songs.  At first, it’s hard to tell that the song is telling someone off and it’s unsettling to then hear “Shake your booty on the floor now” (inevitably in the remix).

4.  People on the street are gladly willing to help direct you someplace or help you get out of a
sticky parking situation.  However, smiling (especially in the grocery store) is seen as a sign of weakness.

5.  The food is mouth-watering good everywhere and hole-in-the-wall, home-food places are best
(as in New York).  Places to eat are so clean that even in the food court in the mall there are fresh, open salad bars and buffets.

6.  The color of the ocean simply cannot be replicated and it is easy to see why the name is
turquoise, or “Turkish blue.”  It is easy to scoff (especially when you’re from California) at those with surf boards as there are no waves in Turkey.

7.  The understanding of making a line at a bank or another established location is a circle.

8.  The price of everything, from clothing to food, is negotiable.

9.  It is a prerequisite that you must be able to sing and dance in order to become a Turkish
citizen.  You must also know the lyrics to Turkish songs as questions about that are always asked on game shows.

10.  In almost any Turkish home you enter someone will be able to read your fortune from Turkish
coffee grinds (“fal”).

11.  The concept of personal space is a foreign one in Turkey. Wherever you are, someone might be virtually sitting in your lap and not even notice it.

12.  When you are going to watch a show at night settle in because you’ll be there for the long
haul, at least three to four hours.  When asked if the show is still on the answer will always be yes.  (It’s no wonder when on the Turkish version of Wheel of Fortune one of the slots is “tell a secret” and song and dance breaks are taken frequently.)  Also, during commercial breaks, you can indeed make a sandwich, take a shower, visit a neighbor, and still be in time for the next portion of the show.

13.  The relatively new law (2005) requiring accessibility for people with disabilities unfortunately falls short, as I personally witnessed this summer as I used a wheelchair.  Almost everywhere is not
accessible and the ramps are of varying widths and scarily, angles.  (Places from the movie theater and even an orthopedist’s office have a hill of steps and no lifts, ramps, or even handrails.)

In Izmir, Turkey getting ready for a touristy ride!

Even with all of its quirks, it is a beautiful country to visit with much history, nice people, and amazing food.  So hos geldiniz (welcome) to Turkiye!

A Little Loneliness

A few days ago I was having one of those days.  I was feeling particularly lonely and then feeling pathetic for feeling lonely.  I had a bit of a break-down in front of my mom and sister with some tears, stifled sobs, and a "You don't understand.  I just want someone to talk to."  All in all it wasn't one of my finest moments. 

Later I told my mom, "Sorry for being so pathetic and sounding desperate."  She told me, "Honey, everyone needs somebody."  I thought that was really nice of her to say and reminded me of something she always told my older sister and me.  She said, "No one can tell you if your feelings are right or wrong because they are yours to feel."  I find myself apologizing for things I can't even help so this meant a lot to me.

Feeling lonely has such a stigma or bad connotation to it, though.  It seems almost taboo to say that you feel lonely aloud.  To me feeling lonely is just about wanting someone to talk to, even for just a little while and even if just about something as light as movies.

I just wonder where do all those thoughts, whispers, and prayers in the night go when we are feeling down?  Do the tears evaporate into the air?...

Untitled
Where do whispered prayers go at midnight?
They weave through the air
Tickling foreign ears who can't understand them
Where do whispered prayers go at midnight?
Do they break through the ceiling?
And traverse the night air to the heavens
Indiscernible, inaudible, almost indistinct


My sister did something so sweet, thoughtful and creative on Sunday to lift my spirits.  She told me she had a surprise and swore our mother to secrecy.  I awoke on Sunday morning to find an adorable early Easter basket.  It was full of little goodies, from navy blue eyeliner (that I had been wanting) to a bubble bath fizzy shaped like a cupcake to a light-up chick with a pink bonnet on.  Then I learned she had planned an egg hunt for me (in the family room and living room for easy access with my crutches).  I loved egg hunts when I was little.  Our mom would hide them in the backyard and we would go crazy.  I guess you're never too old for an egg hunt.  Afterwards, my mom cooked a delicious breakfast of eggs, fried potatoes, and sucuk (Turkish spicy beef pepperoni).  Yummy yum yum. 

Without my family, especially my mom and my sister, I know that the pang of loneliness would be even sharper.

Facebook Be Damned

As I've been away from school (Stanford University) for two years now I sometimes find myself drawn to Facebook to try and reconnect with the campus and its happenings and my peers.

This proves to be a bit masochistic as I always come away feeling more depressed.  I should remind myself of these following reasons I should stay away from Facebook:

1. Just like Mindy Kaling's book title http://theconcernsofmindykaling.com/the-book, everyone is indeed hanging out without you (or me in this case).

2. Getting messages for events that I would not have even gone to if I had been on campus is kind of annoying.  Especially when the same person keeps sending 50 billion messages a day.  I get it and I still don't want to go.

3.  Staring at the typical Stanford girls with their flowing locks and slender, athletic builds does not make me feel better.  I am what they deem "curvy" and have a pixie cut and blue hair mind you.

4.  Through mutual friends finding someone that looks really cool (or let's face it, is really cute) and realizing you will never meet them is sad.  When this causes you to almost seem as pathetic and desperate as you currently feel by wanting to message them and hoping for a pen-pal situation that will never happen makes the whole thing even sadder.

5.  Having to read through the news feed and see everyone sort of boasting but pretending not to by posting their latest accomplishment on their status feels strange as you could never bring yourself to do that without feeling silly.

6.  When we judge our worth by number of likes and friends (that aren't even real friends in the true sense of the word since we never see them or talk to them that much) the whole thing seems like a bit of a hoax.

Why Hello Old Friend

I blame my late posting about the Oscars on post-Oscar hangover.  Not an alcoholic hangover, a hangover from all the pizza and snacks I ate.  My mom, sister, and I watched a whole day's worth of red carpet pre-pre and pre-shows as promised.  After, I realized that I had watched three hours of skinny people while I ate a whole pizza.

There were some awkward red carpet moments, like when Ryan Seacrest seemingly dissed Catherine Zeta-Jones.  Let the woman have her mani-cam moment Seacrest!  Also, Giuliana Rancic asked Reese Witherspoon what her secret to having great, shiny hair was and Witherspoon said it was post-baby hair.  Ouch, a bit insensitive considering Rancic had trouble conceiving and finally had a baby via surrogate.  (Rancic chose Witherspoon as one of her worst-dressed on Fashion Police after.  Coincidence?  I think not.)  Lastly, Jennifer Hudson felt the need to keep reminding us that she had won an Oscar.  We remember, trust us.  Wait, also, did anyone catch Octavia Spencer being listed as Viola Davis on E!?  They don't look anything alike!  I was looking around going, where's Viola Davis?

Other than the awkward moments, the red carpet was full of gorgeous gowns.  Interesting and daring they may not have been, but pretty they were.  Where was Marchesa this year?  I love their dresses usually.  My faves were Kerry Washington in a strawberry Miu Miu gown (she is flawless), Naomi Watts in a futuristic, metallic Armani Prive dress, Jessica Chastain in old Hollywood glamour-a beautiful Armani Prive dress, and finally JLaw (that never caught on for some reason) of course!  Jennifer Lawrence looked absolutely stunning.  She was so young and fresh in a Dior Haute Couture blush-colored gown that everyone said could have looked bridal.  It didn't and she looked like a winner.  Her backwards necklace caused a stir although frankly I didn't understand the purpose of it.  I just kept thinking it would be annoying having to make sure it stayed that way.

Some looks that didn't quite hit the mark were Amanda Seyfried, in an Alexander McQueen gown that seemed uncomfortable in its fitting under her arms.  You would think they could go a size up since they're so tiny.  I also didn't love Anne Hathaway's last-minute change to Prada (I don't know why she wouldn't want her winning night to be in her bestie Valentino's gown).  It did look a bit like Seyfried's dress but who cares if you look better, plus she was the one who was winning an award.  I did like her hair, though, and am trying to recreate it myself but failing kind of horribly.  (Speaking of short hair, could Charlize Theron look any more beautiful?  The woman pulls off a boy-cut like no one else, perhaps since Natalie Portman after V for Vendetta.)  I liked the dress she wore on stage to sing better (the one with the sparkles and tiers).  I don't get why Hathaway is getting so much flak, though.  She is a talented actress and seems nice even if she does try a little hard.  I have a feeling that is the way I would come off on screen whereas my sister would come off more like Jennifer Lawrence who is so incredibly funny and likable.

Now, on to the show.  Seth MacFarlane did a good job in my book considering it was his first time and there were quite some funny moments.  I cannot believe that the "We Saw Your Boobs" song has caused this much controversy.  My mom did say that he should've done a song about the men too though, like Jane Fonda has also said now.  That is MacFarlane's humor and overall he was pretty G-rated.  I think sometimes everyone in the business takes themselves a little too seriously.  If we can't get Tina Fey and Amy Poehler to host next year can we please get Kathy Griffin?  Pretty please?

There were some surprises during the night.  Ang Lee was an upset.  I figured if Ang Lee hadn't won before then maybe he should get it but he had already one for his much much better work in Brokeback Mountain.  Steven Spielberg deserved this and it seemed that Lincoln got slighted (Silver Linings Playbook did too a little).  Any other year Lincoln would have done a Titanic-like sweep.  Christoph Waltz was another surprise.  I was rooting for Tommy Lee Jones but Waltz was fantastic (probably the best thing) in Django Unchained.  He really should stick with Quentin Tarantino!

Argo won for Best Picture deservedly, Daniel Day-Lewis took home the Best Actor award, and Anne Hathaway won Best Supporting Actress.  Amour won for Best Foreign Language Film and Best Screenplay went to Django Unchained (for Original) and Argo (for Adapted).  I am so glad that Jennifer Lawrence won!  She is so charismatic and adorable.  I don't mean to seem like I'm gushing, eh who am I kidding?  I am totally gushing.  If it was even possible, her fall made her even more likable.  Flats, ladies, wear flats!

So, it was a fun night and what the Oscars should be...a show! (Channing Tatum and Charlize Theron were amazing in their dance in the opener and who knew Seth MacFarlane could sing so well?)

Ah, 'til next year...