A Little Loneliness

A few days ago I was having one of those days.  I was feeling particularly lonely and then feeling pathetic for feeling lonely.  I had a bit of a break-down in front of my mom and sister with some tears, stifled sobs, and a "You don't understand.  I just want someone to talk to."  All in all it wasn't one of my finest moments. 

Later I told my mom, "Sorry for being so pathetic and sounding desperate."  She told me, "Honey, everyone needs somebody."  I thought that was really nice of her to say and reminded me of something she always told my older sister and me.  She said, "No one can tell you if your feelings are right or wrong because they are yours to feel."  I find myself apologizing for things I can't even help so this meant a lot to me.

Feeling lonely has such a stigma or bad connotation to it, though.  It seems almost taboo to say that you feel lonely aloud.  To me feeling lonely is just about wanting someone to talk to, even for just a little while and even if just about something as light as movies.

I just wonder where do all those thoughts, whispers, and prayers in the night go when we are feeling down?  Do the tears evaporate into the air?...

Untitled
Where do whispered prayers go at midnight?
They weave through the air
Tickling foreign ears who can't understand them
Where do whispered prayers go at midnight?
Do they break through the ceiling?
And traverse the night air to the heavens
Indiscernible, inaudible, almost indistinct


My sister did something so sweet, thoughtful and creative on Sunday to lift my spirits.  She told me she had a surprise and swore our mother to secrecy.  I awoke on Sunday morning to find an adorable early Easter basket.  It was full of little goodies, from navy blue eyeliner (that I had been wanting) to a bubble bath fizzy shaped like a cupcake to a light-up chick with a pink bonnet on.  Then I learned she had planned an egg hunt for me (in the family room and living room for easy access with my crutches).  I loved egg hunts when I was little.  Our mom would hide them in the backyard and we would go crazy.  I guess you're never too old for an egg hunt.  Afterwards, my mom cooked a delicious breakfast of eggs, fried potatoes, and sucuk (Turkish spicy beef pepperoni).  Yummy yum yum. 

Without my family, especially my mom and my sister, I know that the pang of loneliness would be even sharper.