As I was getting iced at the end of physical therapy I saw
something interesting in Health magazine (the only kind of magazine they have
there besides Reader’s Digest unfortunately).
There was a site that had four-word movie reviews. I took it as a challenge to see if I too
could write four-word movie reviews that were still meaningful. Here it goes.
Best Picture nominees:
Zero Dark Thirty and Silver Linings Playbook- (see older
posts for reviews).
Beasts of the Southern Wild- Whimsical, almost better
afterwards
Les Miserables- Could have been better
Lincoln- Smart and vastly underrated
Life of Pi- Great effects but soulless
Argo- Extremely close to perfect
Django Unchained- Powerful in every sense
Amour- (Review to come after Netflix)
Netflix DVDs:
Animated:
Brave- Spunky heroine, cute bears
Indies:
Moonrise Kingdom- Childlike but also childish
The Sessions- Poignant, subtle love observations
Safety Not Guaranteed- Indie without direction/endgame
Robot & Frank- Funny and surprisingly heartfelt
The Master- Unlikable to a fault
Foreign Language Films:
The Intouchables- Eye-opening, new Odd Couple
Elena- What was the point?
Footnote- No-one to root for
Lemon Tree- Heart-wrenching look at loss
(Other foreign film recommendations: Caramel, A Separation, and Paradise
Now, all excellent.)
Blockbusters:
Flight- Don’t waste your time (P.S. Seth MacFarlane’s
hilarious Flight sock puppet sketch for the Oscar opening is quite accurate
even though it is also somewhat offensive.
The part with the socks in the washing machine is genius.)
Prometheus- What was that? Ewww (My family will never let me
live this choice down. It was tres
horrible and I got mean looks at the end for the two hours that we will never
get back. Squids freak me out more than
usual too now.)
Current movies out in theaters in the time, as I like to
call it, when movies go to die (post-Oscar/pre-summer period):
Side Effects- Solidly good, watchable thriller
Beautiful Creatures- A much lesser Twilight (Speaking of
which The Host got horrible reviews so I didn’t even attempt to see it, and I see a lot of movies.)
Admission- So intensely, incredibly disappointing
Olympus Has Fallen- Circa Air Force One
Temptation: Confessions of a Marriage Counselor- Hack-job writing, preachy hilarity (I dragged my sister to this one and she said some
of the funniest things when we came out.
I believe her best quotes were, “So basically the gist of the movie was ‘Woman
thou shalt not cheateth lest you be alone and miserable for the rest of your
life!’” Another great one was, “When Kim
Kardashian is the best thing in the movie you know you have a problem.” Lastly, “Jurnee Smollet-Bell deserves an
academy award for acting in this film.” I
have to add that I thought it was so awful that nothing happens to the men in
the movie and Judith, the main character, was deciding between dull and
duller. Their banality alone should have
led to some consequences instead of only the women suffering. All in all, my sister wasn’t too happy I made
her see it with me but I thought it was hilarious nonetheless-though not as
funny as Beyonce in Obsessed. Need I
say, “Did you not get my message?”)
Not much to look forward to on the movie front. That's why I'm always sad when the awards season ends. I’m waiting to get Rust and Bone on Netflix
and A Royal Affair which should be good.
The films that are out right now that I thought would have gotten better
reviews didn’t. The Place Beyond the
Pines (with Ryan Gosling), Trance (a Danny Boyle film), and The Company You
Keep (a Robert Redford film) all received middling reviews. Coming to theaters soon are the Tom Cruise
futuristic/sci-fi film, Oblivion, and The Great Gatsby (which got pushed back
to spring instead of this past winter).
I am afraid of Baz Luhrmann’s interpretation even though I’m
sure Leonardo DiCaprio will make a fantastic Gatsby but I guess we’ll see. Melissa McCarthy and Sandra Bullock are
teaming up in The Heat this summer and I’m excited for that.
